I'm Reaching Out To You

On September 9, 2009, a star was born. Her name you ask? Sary Nicole. She weighed 5 pounds 15 oz and was 18-3/4 inches long. She was born at 37 weeks and couldn't be a more healthy baby. I love my little babe.

Someday I'll get around to posting her birth story on here.

On Wednesday she'll be six weeks old and this morning is the first time I got a smile on camera.. it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Soo!

I am 15 weeks and 3 days as of today! I feel like I've actually accomplished something for once! And, I'm actually starting to feel like myself again, Thank Goodness!!! My morning sickness has subsided (hallelujah! hallelujah!) and I'm actually not having to sleep 12 hours every night. It's refreshing.

So I noticed last week that my belly... it's starting to stick out a little! So weird that there's something there now. But it's comforting. And it's starting to stretch, so my belly button is even starting to come out now! I'm looking into buying a pregnancy belly button ring LOL. Don't make fun!

At 10 weeks, I had a SCARE. I thought everything was going well, but I suddenly woke up at 1 a.m. and thought I had peed myself! What the H? I was soooo sleepy, I didn't even want to get up...but just in case. Well what do you know. I went to the bathroom and all I saw was bright red. I FREAKED, to say the least.

So six hours later in the emergency room, an exam by a male doctor who really didn't give a poo about me, an abdominal ultrasound and (joy!) a vaginal ultrasound, I was diagnosed as having a "threatened miscarriage" or subchorionic hemorrhage. Can I just say right now, I HATE the term miscarriage, threatened miscarriage, maybe kinda sorta miscarriage. It makes me feel like I'm irresponsible. Like I can't even house this baby in my womb because I'm a nothing. I can't even protect this baby in my BODY?!?!?!!?!

I did enjoy getting the ultrasounds (yes even the vaginal probe LOL). It didn't matter about having a wand dohicky in, out or around me because I got to see my baby's spine, heartbeat and even the face. I got some awesome pictures (will have to scan and post). It was moving and waving. Melted my heart right then and there.

So I was placed on pelvic rest and by my parents' rules, bed rest, until I was about 14 weeks. But ever since then, things have been going smoothly. And apparently subchorionic hemorrhages are pretty common. So I felt better.

I think I'll feel kicks sometimes... but I really don't know. I like to think that's what I'm feeling, but you know... it could be gas! Woo hoo! It's okay, it's getting close to time for me to feel and I can't wait.

Ahhh, so I got referred to a new physician that I will be visiting on Tuesday, which by the way aggravates me because... why in the world couldn't they have waited 2 more days so I could have had an ultrasound and possibly know what gender my child is! I want to know now *tear*. Don't they understand!

Anywho, I've been going to a prenatal clinic that is for uninsured mothers to go to until they can verify your insurance and refer you to another doctor. I've been going there since I was six weeks. It was a female doctor and I LOVED her.. I wish she could've been my OB. So my first pick was a different female OB, but they couldn't get me in... so my second choice was just a random pick by myself because I only wanted that one doctor so I hadn't researched the others LOL... and it's a dude. No offense. Men are great for a lot of things, but frankly they freak me out a little when dealing with my "feminine issues." So I cried when I found out, but then I went home and looked around online and found out that he's not some crusty old guy and he actually seems very intelligent to me... so what the heck, I'll give it a shot. I'm a little nervous, but I'm sure everything will be spectacular.

So my recent symptoms? A very strong, overwhelming sensation of I need something to drink! I'm so incredibly thirsty all of a sudden. It's weirding me out. I'm trying to research it a little. I mean, I don't think I'm dehydrated because I'm drinking water, milk, juice, an occasional Dr. Pepper (caffeine free of course!) constantly. I've been trying to double up on eating, but it's not working on gaining the weight I should be. I was already a teeny person to begin with (5'3'' 96 pounds at my first dr. appointment) and I have been my whole life. I swear I eat like a horse, but alas, my metabolism is faster at burning the calories than I am at eating the calories. And so far, it's carried over into my pregnancy. At the end of the day I'll gain 3 or 4 pounds. When I wake up, poof! Disappeared. Start all over.

I have been taking my prenatal vitamins every night, I'm eating food, healthy food, junk food, any food that will help me gain some poundage. So at least I know the baby is getting adequate nutrition. It doesn't bother me all that much... I know some people that gain like 10 or 15 pounds, although the doctors would like them to gain more. Some people just have a hard time with it!

Alright, I'm done ranting. Here's some pictures for your enjoyment!



I took this when I first found out, I was 5 weeks, January 23rd.



And this is me at 13 weeks. I have grown a li'l!



This is me at 14 weeks, 6 days.



14 weeks 6 days

Oh mi gosh::

I honestly am giving up. I am losing my best friend, my love, my heart, my soul, my life. Why did all of this happen.. what do I do now... should I forgive? I cannot forget.

Here I am, six week's pregnant and man... the symptoms are starting to come.. almost overwhelming, but then I think about my baby and I know I can go through anything.

I have had a rough past couple of days, I'm hoping that my life will start to look up soon.

I'm scared to have this baby and I'm scared about taking care of my child. I want to be the best mother, friend, wife, Christian.. and sometimes I wonder about myself. I wonder if I'm am making the right decisions in life, if I am doing the right thing and I often doubt myself.

I DO know that my hormones are just raging right now and my body is very confused on how to handle all of these changes I'm going through. It seems like the first few weeks of pregnancy are the hardest because, (especially for me, being my first pregnancy) I don't know if what I am feeling is normal, or if I'm supposed to be acting this way, or if I'm supposed to eat this or what! It's just a whole new experience.

I'm not showing at all and from what I've read, I probably won't start showing until around 4 months or 16 weeks. So I have a few more weeks to go. I have been having some nausea.. no actual sickness, but this morning, I felt SICK.. I can't even get out of bed until Brandon makes me some toast or anything... I just have to have something going into my stomach and I will feel loads better.

Another symptom I am having is really crazy blood sugar ups and downs. I am going to have to talk to my doctor about this on Monday. Yesterday I didn't have anything sweet in the morning and by noon, I was feeling very out of it and feeling very sleepy. I couldn't hardly keep my eyes open and I felt like I was about to pass out, very weak feeling. As soon as I drank some Sprite and ate a couple bites of a hamburger, I woke right up. I felt a lot better. I'm hoping and praying that I will not have gestational diabetes or any problems during this pregnancy. I'm trying to eat healthy and be healthier. I'm trying to eat foods that are full of folic acid and calcium, and iron, all of the vitamins and nutrients that my baby needs right now.

Folic acid is very important at the beginning of pregnancy because that is when the nervous system and spinal cord form... it helps prevent a lot of things. And I discovered that I love asparagus and that it has the most folic acid of all the vegetables that I could eat. So I'm happy about that.

I have my first doctor appointment on Monday, well it's really a prenatal visit and then I will get my 3 hour check-up with the doctor at the next visit following. But I'll have my blood test and all of that done on Monday, so they can check my blood sugar and stuff

One thing I was happy about is I got my iron checked a few days ago, they like a pregnant woman's iron to be at least 33 and mine was 41, very healthy, so I'm thrilled about that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I put this babystrology thing up on my myspace last Friday. It shows how your baby progresses each week or month or something, but right now, my baby looks like a jelly dinosaur :) Made me laugh.

I'm leaving you with a conversation I had at the pregnancy resource center when I was having my pregnancy test done there:

Nurse: So you have already taken a pregnancy test at home?
Me: I've taken four, so I'm pretty positive that I'm pregnant!

[I have to pee in the cup (joy!) and take it back to the nurse so she can do the test]

N: Okay, now this test takes about three minutes to work. [she dots the test with a little pee and instantly,] oh, wait, no, it's already coming up pregnant... I guess you're very pregnant!

It cracked me up that it didn't even take three seconds for the test to return positive :)

Oh my stars... I'm pregnant.

Not a lot pregnant.. but still, pregnant. There's a bean in me right now. So weird.

I'm soo happy that I am going to be a mommy, but I'm already feeling the pressure. I'm kind of scared of what the future holds, I mean I already have to eat every 2 hours or man O man... pukey... and lemme tell you, not fun.

Don't even get me started on the mood swings. Happy, mad, sad, crying, jubilant, hyper, glowing, crying, repeat. I know it'll be worth it in the end.

I'm just trying to learn as much as I can and be the best mommy I can be at this point.

I love my li'l jellybean!