I'm Reaching Out To You

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I've taken the first steps.
Yeah, they're baby steps, but what the hell else am I supposed to do.
I'm so self-critical and so unsure.
I'm fucking pissed... I'm really okay.. No I'm pissed.. Now I'm happy?

Pills, substance abuse ruined my life.
Ruined my family.
Ruined me.

What the fuck am I reaching for right now?
Can you guess.
I want a pill.
I want a joint.
I want a cigarette.
I want a high.
I want to forget.
I want all this to be just a blur in my life.
I don't want this to be happening.

I can't change you.
I've tried for three long fuckin years.
False hopes and false promises are all I get.

This baby has no chance at life if I stay.
That's pretty much the only reason I'm leaving.
Because I love her.
She is my life now.
Not you.

So here I am.
Stepping out of line.
Stepping into something new.
Is it the right thing for me to do?  I don't know.
And I don't really care to be honest.

Sometimes I just want to run my car off the road so I don't have to decide between right and wrong anymore.
Everything is so jumbled in my head, I am left feeling dazed and confused.
Dazed and confused.. maybe just confused.
I wish I was in a daze.